A few weeks ago, my family had a rough outing at Mass. Our two young kids weren’t on their best behavior (as toddlers sometimes aren’t), and I could feel the eyes of disapproval around us. It wasn’t the first time we’ve experienced that, and I know we’re not alone. I’ve heard from other families who’ve left church entirely after feeling judged or unwelcome because of moments like these.
It’s especially hard when I often hear people say they want to see more young families and children at church. We all say we want to be a welcoming parish. But that requires us to act welcoming… even (and especially) when things aren’t perfectly quiet or polished.
So here are three simple ways we can all help make our parish a place where families feel truly embraced:
- Smile instead of stare.
A kind glance or warm smile can go a long way. It says, “We’re glad you’re here,” even in the midst of toddler chaos. Remember that showing grace in those moments speaks louder than silence. - Encourage, don’t critique.
If you feel moved to say something, make it uplifting. “You’re doing a great job” or “I love seeing your kids here” is the kind of encouragement parents need to hear more often. - Celebrate the noise.
The little sounds and squirms of kids at Mass are signs of life, growth, and future. A quiet church might be easier to sit through, but it’s also a church without a future. Let’s be okay with the beautiful mess of family life in the pews.
At the end of the day, families aren’t looking for perfection, we’re looking for belonging. Let’s be the kind of parish that chooses to love people in their realness, not just in their reverence.
